During recent training at Safe Harbor we addressed various topics including reasons why there is such a significant problem with domestic violence, rape and sexual assault.  I don't claim to have THE answer.  I just hope to help make people around me aware.

Did you know that  by the age of eighteen, 1 in 4 women will have been raped or sexually assaulted?  Below is part of family photos taken a couple of years ago.  Take a look at me and the girls.  Cute, right?!?  Now repeat the statistic I just shared with you: 1 in 4 women will have been raped or sexually assaulted by the time they turn 18 years old.  Which one of us will it be?

I use this picture to help make it more real.  I am in no way saying that this has happened to us, I am just using the picture as an example.  As a society we tend to think, "Not my kids", "Not in our community", "That only happens in low socioeconomic classes", or "It only happens with (insert a race here)".  Well it does happen and more often than anyone would ever guess.  Ninety of every 100 victims know their attacker.  We often have the perception of an attacker as the stereotypical  guy in the bushes jumping out at a girl in the middle of the night.  And while that does happen, it is rare.

I have an issue with advertising.  It is an issue that has bothered me long before my recent training.  Advertising and marketing has become so overly sexualized where women and young girls are objectified and portrayed in ways that are fantasized and simply not real.  Our overtly sexual advertising and marketing is one of the things that contributes to a consistent rise in domestic violence, rape and sexual assault.

We tend to observe more with our eyes more than any other of our physical senses.  And while we may hear good things or talk about good and uplifting things, our eyes are bombarded with visual messages of women and girls of a sexual nature, and of how we are supposed to look and act.  Go through the social media posts of  girlfriends and the young women in your life.  What messages do you think they are giving and/or receiving??  How do we often pose or act through social media?  It's safe to say that women and girls are falling prey to what they see.  I don't think a lot of us realize it.  Like I said, I don't have THE solution.  Watch this clip with your girlfriends, daughters or whole family and then LET'S TALK  ABOUT IT.  Talking is probably the  best solution.  Become aware and talk about it.  Ask the questions: "Why is this wrong"?  "How does it make you feel"?  "What can we do to not fall into this"?

Side note: watch it alone first before deciding to watch with others.  It's not inappropriate, but depending on the ages of those you may want to watch it with, it may be a bit graphic .

Have you seen positive e-cards or quotes about dressing modestly or loving your curves in the feeds of your social media?  Not so much, right??  We want to love our curves and realize that we don't have to dress immodestly to get attention, but too often see posts like the following:

"LOVE YOUR CURVES!"

Do you see what I see?  I see a woman in a modest bathing suit but she is posed provocatively, in various ways that portray her as sexual.  The quote may say to love your curves but the image is sending a totally different message.  Just something to think about.

My corner

I recently finished training to become a Rape and Sexual Assault Victim Advocate. Needless to say the training was long and wore on me mentally and emotionally. Last Sunday B and I were driving and having a discussion about politics. This conversation started because we have a friend being furloughed by the federal government. This conversation led us to discussing several things including the topic of advertisement and it's impact on how women are viewed, domestic violence,rape and sexual assault (random, I know). I will spare you on the details of the full discussion.

It ended with me voicing how defeated I feel at times. There really isn't a definite solution to all these issues. What exactly can I do to feel like I am making an impact or at least not participating in issues such as these? Like not shopping where advertising portrays women as sexual objects. If I boycotted every company advertising women as objects I couldn't shop anywhere. Then I began to feel like trying to do anything at all was pointless. I'm just one person, and when you add up anything I could do and compare it to the severity of these issues, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't even be able to see what ever it was that I did. I'm not trying to be a "negative nelly", just realistic.

During the conversation, I remembered that the only thing in this life I have control over is myself. As the days passed, I remembered a quote from my favorite TV show, M*A*S*H. There is an episode where Hawkeye and BJ take it upon themselves to put a stop to another soldier who gives young Korean kids money for bringing him miscellaneous junk, which he then turns into trinkets and sells as war souvenirs. In the episode, the kids were getting wounded, going out into mine fields and collecting the stuff. After working on a young boy BJ and Hawkeye decide they have had enough and were going to put stop to it. At the end of the episode they are successful in putting a stop to the soldier who was putting people in harms way at the 4077th. Before the reckless soldier leaves, he comments, "You may have stopped me but what are you going to do about the dozens of other guys out there doing the exact same thing? Do you plan to change the whole war"? BJ shrugs his shoulders and responds, "No. Just our corner of it".

Now I'm sure I am paraphrasing, but I hope you get the gist. What I have control over is my corner. And my corner is where I am going to be able to make the greatest impact. Brandon said it best during that drive, "When all is said and done, I think it will be those small acts of kindness that are done in secret and without recognition that will make the biggest impact in this life". So I hope to preserve my corner as a place where others feel safe, loved and supported. This blog is part of my corner and I guess it is an ok place to write about the things that matter most to me. Maybe, hopefully, it will have an impact on someone. Maybe the biggest impact will end up helping only me. Who knows. I'm grateful to be reminded that I don't have to do something "Big". That something "Big" is actually quite simple and easy and can occur "my corner" of it all.

Part of me writing this post is to let you, whoever you are, know that I plan to post things that I come across which pertain to the things mattering most to me. Some of these things are bringing about awareness about domestic violence, rape and sexual assault. Some of the things I post might be a little graphic. I won't post things that are inappropriate, but they may be things that could be potential "triggers" to a victim of such issues or maybe the content may simply make you uncomfortable. This post is not the only "heads up" I will provide. I will put in a warning on any post that has to do with something that could be a potential trigger to a victim or is a little graphic in nature so that you can choose whether or not to continue reading that particular post.