Confession

This last week was not good with my diet.   I haven't counted calories but that isn't my confession.   From Tuesday night to Wednesday afternoon,  I ate a package of Chips a Hoy cookies.  

Yes.  The whole package.
By myself.

This was something I did weekly during my first marriage.   That relationship was very abusive and food is how I coped.   Cookies were my favorite way of coping.

I guess that this week,  that is how I coped.  Nothing has really happened.   I have a lot on my plate,  B and I have a lot on our plates.   Just like everyone else.   I've felt overwhelmed lately and that is how I coped.   I haven't done that kind of eating in YEARS. 

I threw the package away deep in the garbage can.   I didn't want B to know.   Not because he would care.   But because I needed to hide it.  I didn't want him or anyone to know.   I realized that eating the bag of cookies isn't the real issue.   It was that I was hiding it.   So,  I told Jake.  I told B.  Now I told you, whoever "you" are.   I'm not going to let old ways of coping creep back in.  I'm also not going to beat myself up about the cookies.   I'm overt it.  

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

No.  I did not eat the whole pan!  (Insert Jake's angry eyes, here)  I did have a piece when I came home today.  My other snacks were much better choices and while the piece of cake was not ideal, I didn't let it derail my entire day.  It's almost 7:30 p.m. and I still need to eat about 300 calories.  My goal is to have only 500 calories to eat by 6 p.m.  

Not perfect.  But still focused.

Passing On Stuff I've Learned

I plan to not just share my success or the prefect moments.  I hope to share the hard moments and plain ugly ones.  I want to pass on what others have taught me as well. 
I have a friend that I really look up to.  Not just because she is that girl that always looks pretty, has a smile on her face and positive attitude.    Ok, maybe that's why....in addition to several other things.  Truly, I'm surrounded by amazing women who are my friends.  She writes as well.  I love her blog.  So much of what she writes, I relate to and believe.  I've learned a lot and want to pass it on.  Check out her blog.

A Good Read

A friend of mine has started a blog.  Let me just say, I love it!  And her. She really is as beautiful as she looks.  Top it off with the fact that she's nice and genuine, not to mention smart and driven.  The type of girl you want to hate but can't because underneath how pretty she is, is an amazing person and the kind of woman you can't help but look up to. And....she cracks me up!

She has been a big support in my health goals and very helpful. I love that she is always willing to teach me and share what she knows.

http://beastlifewithbeauty.tumblr.com/

The Swim Suit

I decided it was time to go buy a new swimsuit. I've spent the summer pulling my swimsuit up, down, left and right. I've been on constant guard to make sure I didn't end up flashing anyone. The only problem I have not had is it creeping up on me.  No complaints on that last one.

I LOVED my last swimsuit.  Loved it.  I found it at Target a couple of years ago.  The brand is, love your ASSETS by Sara Blakely,Spanx.  I loved the suit so much because it was a cute swimsuit that fit.  When you are in a XXL or bigger, finding a swimsuit that fits and is cute is like going to Walmart and not only finding rock star parking (a spot upfront by the door) but also walking in to find they've moved milk to the front of the store AND created a checkout stand for "milk purchases" ONLY. Therefore eliminating the need for you to maneuver through the store for about 3/4 of a mile and around about one thousand people to get a gallon (or two) of milk, to then turn around and repeat the trek to the front of the store.  By that time you can't feel your fingers and only three of the thirty check stands are open.  Did I mention that all three have ridiculously long lines? 

It's that hard.  Promise.  An added perk of the suit is the Spanx.  It sucks you in but not too much.  Smooths you out a little and stays put.  So I went back to Target with the hope that they still carried them.  They do!  I bought my new swimsuit and to my surprise, the size I needed was Large.  I haven't worn that size, in a swimsuit, in about 7 years.  My hard work is paying off!

Side note:  Due to the suit being Spanx, the effort required to wiggle in, is quite a bit.  Worse than tights/pantyhose or tight jeans.  This is one "show" my husband does not witness. I don't recommend changing in a bathroom stall.  You need more room. 

Disclaimer

Just a quick disclaimer to new readers:

This blog started in 2008 and at that time, the focus was on my story/experience in coming out my first marriage that involved domestic violence.  The blog has changed over the years and I've even just left it alone for quite some time.  I haven't had time to change or update the right column with the 'reads', 'blogs I follow', etc.  I will update it, at some point.  When I have time.  HA!

My Secret

For several months I have considered writing in my blog again.  I had stopped writing for many reasons. Catching everyone up has seemed overwhelming.   I figure I will just start today and gradually catch you up as I write. 

At the end of January I started a part time job working at a gym during which time they were beginning a 90-day weight loss challenge for it's members. I happened to mention to one of their personal trainers that I wished I could join in on the challenge but that the days/times they were meeting didn't work with my crazy schedule.  That conversation resulted in me agreeing to work with the trainer.  I was both excited and terrified.  Having been in good shape most of my life (up until my mid-twenties), I thought I knew what I was agreeing to and how hard the work would be.  As it turns out, I had no clue what I had actually agreed to and truly had no idea how hard it was going to be!!  My 20-year-old body is LONG gone and I now have to deal with my relationship with food and understand why I eat what I eat.  Its been a very different experience from being young with no real life experience, enjoying good metabolism, and having the time to be in the gym, as active as I wanted.  DUH.

Four months later I'm  frequently asked the question, “What are you doing to get such good results???”  

Ready for my secret????  Diet and Exercise.

Yup.  You read it right.  I meet with my trainer Jake three times a week for 30 minutes each session.  I workout on my own the other days.  No, I do not workout 7 days a week.  I don’t workout 6 days a week.  I'm with Jake the 3 days then I do my best to get back to the gym additional days as my schedule allows to do cardio.  No, I don’t spend hours working out.  When working out on my own, I do cardio for about 30 minutes occasionally some strength training.

During the first session with Jake he took my body measurements, figured out my body fat percentage and weighed me.  He calculated how many calories I needed to consume each day to function appropriately, fuel my body, and lose weight.  He also talked to me about my diet and what needed to change. The goal was set to lose 1-2 pounds a week. 

Plain and the simply I eat between 1,800 and 2,000 calories a day.  Not more and definitely not less (I have learned the hard way how much not eating enough calories can derail your progress).  I eat “clean”.  I basically cook at home as much as possible.  I don’t eat processed foods or full of sugars/preservatives.  I avoid drive-thrus and drinking my favorite soda (Coke).  In addition to our sessions, Jake continues to teach me about my diet.

There have been days where my calories have come from drive-thrus or old favorites and most of the time I have still been able to lose weight, not as much though.  When I don’t eat clean I feel like crap.  I bloat, ache, and working out is harder. I get tired and feel just plain icky.  When I eat the right foods I not only lose more weight  but I also have much more energy and feel really good (That is one of the best parts)!  I also sleep better at night, unless our dog Charlie wakes me to go out.  For the first time since age 22, I sleep without a sleep aid (prescription or over-the-counter drug).  Even when I was taking something to help me sleep back then, I could not sleep through the night.  Now I do.  I wake up in the morning easier and more energized.  My skin looks better.  I feel better.  Inside and out.  And my pants are baggy!!

Yesterday Jake took my four-month measurements…Check out my progress.  Who knew that diet and exercise would give such amazing results, inside and out?!?!?