Words

The power of words...so very true....

A New Opportunity

I've started a new opportunity that I am so very excited about. I started last month as a Domestic Violence and Rape Crisis Advocate with the local women's shelter. This role entails me going on call for 7 days straight at a time. When a woman (men too but it is rarely a man) is hurt whether through Domestic Violence or Rape, I will be dispatched to go advocate for her, whether on scene, at the hospital or over the phone. I will help her with paperwork, get her info for the shelter and get her info she needs for protective orders, help with medical costs, temporary housing, outreach programs, etc. I'm currently doing Domestic Violence only. I have to attend a Rape Crisis training in November.

I'm excited to be doing this and to be able to work with an agency that once helped me.

The Voice

So I've had some big changes, I've quit my full time job that I have had for over 6 years to finish my degree. Finally. It seems like ever since I was done at Salt Lake Community College, after the year I was in Student Government, I have had numerous things come up to pull me away from school. It has been such a blessing to be able to stay home and go to school. I love Brandon for pushing me towards this.

On my first day of school in my very first class, I heard that "voice". I think we all have one. Mine sounds like a certain person from my past but says things that numerous people have said to me in my life. So through my mind goes the all too familiar thoughts; "I can't do this. I'm not smart. I am stupid. You are making a fool of yourself." The put downs go on and on.

The next day, Brandon and I are serving in our Mission at the Women's Recovery Center. I relayed this moment I had the day before and how hard it was for me to stay put in my seat and not just run....Somehow it tied into the 12 steps and how we listen to the adversary telling us what failures we are...and how, often times, that sends an addict into an relapse. It sends us back to old behavior, ways of coping.

The next week, one of the girls came up to me after and shared with me that she had the same kind of problems with how others words have affected her. She told me how she was expressing it to her therapist and he corrected her and informed her that the "voice" was not all the other people. It was her own voice. She just had to chose what to do.

And the light goes on in my head. I really like this. The words and phrases going through my head really were said to me at different times in my life, but that voice is my own and I was allowing it to get to me. I love the accountability in this. Words have the most powerful impact of anything out there, but in the end, I get to choose if I listen and believe them. Word's are window's to the soul. But those word's don't make who we are.

Food For Thought...Watch Your Step

This is a powerful video about the effects of Pornography. However, I think it can be used in all addictions and all kinds of choices we make in our lives and our relationships and how our choices, not just addiction, affect our loved ones.

Coming Out Into The Light...

I have an aunt Suzi. She is my fun, crazy (in a good way) aunt. She is one of the people in my life who has had an impact on me. I was thinking about something she said to me once when I was going through a very difficult time. I was struggling with the changes happening in my life and doubting my ability to handle things. I will never forget what she said to me and I won't be able to write it the way she told it but I'm going to try.

She likened the life I had been living to living in a cave. The cave was dark, it was cold and it was damp. It was an awful environment. But I had survived in the cave and knew I could continue to survive in it. Once I had emerged out of the cave and come into the light, it was frightening. I couldn't see well and I wanted to go back in my cave. Despite knowing how awful it was in there, I had security in knowing I had and could survive in there. Staying out in the light scared me because I was not used to it. I didn't know anything different. And I wasn't sure how I would survive or if I even could survive out of the cave.

I am thinking about that today. Glad she told me that and that I chose to stay out of the cave and trust in myself, the Lord and others that I could survive and be in a better place.

Do You Validate?

Validation. We all seem to seek it. I know I've sought it. But what is it?

I was thinking about the ways I've sought validation and from who. Often times we tend to seek our validation from other people. Women seek it from men and men seek it from women. The problem with that is you are guaranteed to be let down. I spent a large chunk of my life seeking for validation through someone else, and I'm still guilty of doing it on occasion, but I've found that when we seek validation from ourselves and other healthy sources it doesn't seem to back fire. Why do I need to be validated through someone else anyway?