The Voice

So I've had some big changes, I've quit my full time job that I have had for over 6 years to finish my degree. Finally. It seems like ever since I was done at Salt Lake Community College, after the year I was in Student Government, I have had numerous things come up to pull me away from school. It has been such a blessing to be able to stay home and go to school. I love Brandon for pushing me towards this.

On my first day of school in my very first class, I heard that "voice". I think we all have one. Mine sounds like a certain person from my past but says things that numerous people have said to me in my life. So through my mind goes the all too familiar thoughts; "I can't do this. I'm not smart. I am stupid. You are making a fool of yourself." The put downs go on and on.

The next day, Brandon and I are serving in our Mission at the Women's Recovery Center. I relayed this moment I had the day before and how hard it was for me to stay put in my seat and not just run....Somehow it tied into the 12 steps and how we listen to the adversary telling us what failures we are...and how, often times, that sends an addict into an relapse. It sends us back to old behavior, ways of coping.

The next week, one of the girls came up to me after and shared with me that she had the same kind of problems with how others words have affected her. She told me how she was expressing it to her therapist and he corrected her and informed her that the "voice" was not all the other people. It was her own voice. She just had to chose what to do.

And the light goes on in my head. I really like this. The words and phrases going through my head really were said to me at different times in my life, but that voice is my own and I was allowing it to get to me. I love the accountability in this. Words have the most powerful impact of anything out there, but in the end, I get to choose if I listen and believe them. Word's are window's to the soul. But those word's don't make who we are.